I’d like to know how potent and effective holy water is.
I’d like to know whether the Pope can have more blessing powers than a simple priest.
I’d like to know how far would a drop of holy water reach in the ocean?
Would the entire ocean be blessed, along with the rest of the oceans on the planet?
Does a gallon of holy water has more reach than just one drop?
And if I throw holy water on the ground, would the entire Earth be blessed too?
Along with all animals and humans in the world, including a heretic like me?
And if I’m blessed with a drop of holy water, for how long will I be blessed?
And if I’m blessed a second before I die, will I be going straight to heaven?
And what if a pregnant woman is blessed, does her child is blessed too?
What would happen if we inject holy water into all criminals in the world?
What if I cook food with holy water? Would germs, viruses, bacteria, microbes, and parasites in my body be blessed too?
And if they are, can they become benign and not make me sick?
What if the priest is a pedophile? Would he be able to bless the water and forgive my sins?
And what if I confess my sins in advance, would I have a credit on my favor, can I use it for future sins?
What if I donate a million dollars to the Church, would they guarantee me a place in heaven?
What if they can guarantee it, and I still end up in hell. Can I sue them from there?
And what would I do with a million dollars in hell?
And what if I rightfully gain access to heaven, but I refuse to get in because I want to check the other option. Maybe heaven is not that good or hell is not that bad.
And what if I go to heaven and I don’t like my neighbors or they’re mean or boring, or they don’t speak English or Spanish.
What if I don’t like the weather? What if I refuse to be naked, or I want to be naked?
And, before I get there, —if I get there— I’d like to know if heaven has a democratic system. And if they do, can we vote for a different God.
Is God supposed to be a perennial leader?
What if he turns out to be a dictator?
Can we get a Goddess for a change?
And if we behave badly in heaven, can we still go to hell?
And if we are good in hell, can we still have access to heaven?
Can we organize a peace treaty between the leaders of heaven and hell and find a way to avoid punishments?
Can we alternate vacations from one place to the other?
What if they put an ocean in front of hell, with many hotels and casinos, and with a non-stop supply of cold beers, and margaritas —now we’re talking.
What if we could be polygamous and be able to reject jealousy. No, that’s a bad idea, we could turn into Sodom and Gomorrah. Well, it all depends on how you see it and where you end up.
Can we have several paradises at different levels? And according to the gravity of Commandments we break, we get the best or the worst paradise.
However, I still like the hot one, the one with the ocean, the beers and margaritas. With no jealousy, no taxes, no punishments, no hangovers, no illnesses, and no regrets.
Either way, I’ll see you in heaven, or hell, or both.
Visalia, Ca. 01-17-2011